Never compare yourself to anyone, except the previous you!

We have all done it: seen that person who is taller, fitter, prettier, slimmer, smarter, richer…. The list can go on and on… I know I’m guilty of this. Especially when things just aren’t working out the way you want them to – and that sense of negativity and DOUBT creep in… and it pulls you down to the level where your EGO (which is taking a bashing) starts complaining and allows all the other fear based emotions to whisper in your ear: “your nothing!” “You haven’t done enough in your life…” “You’re not man/woman enough!”  “You’re not worthy!”

 

Let’s be honest; we have all been there… and the more we tell ourselves these things, the more we start to believe them… See I believe that 

“the quality of my communication, affects the quality of my life”

And who do we communicate with? Well, primarily ourselves! We have that little voice in our head which we argue and engage with on a day to day basis: my question is this: is that voice predominantly positive or negative? Because whatever the dominant emotion of that voice is will determine the quality of life. If you are constantly telling yourself you are not worthy, that has a direct effect on your self esteem – hence your confidence goes down – and this affects how you respond to people and the world in general (therefore affecting your quality of life!) it’s a vicious cycle- IF you don’t check yourself from time to time. So here are some tips that help me get though those times when I want a ‘self-pity party’

     1. Stop comparing yourself to others!

The only person you should compare yourself to is the previous you! If you are the same person you were last year then there is something wrong. You must constantly be bettering yourself and shedding your old skin and donning a new one. When I see people from high school they often exclaim “Oh my, you’ve changed!” and in my head I wonder “are we supposed to be the same people we were in high school?!!?”

People change, life often forces us to. Embrace that change and go with the flow; keeping in mind that our paths and experiences are different so stop comparing yourself to others’ (you don’t know what hardships/sacrifices they have gone through to be the person you see- are you sure you want their life?)

2.    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about your situation!

 

I remember my wife complaining of the weight she put on after giving birth to our lovely kids. In all honestly I loved it! But she did not- but I did not feed into her being the victim: the advice I gave her was plain and simple: 

“If you don’t like something about yourself or your situation, change it!”

I’m not a fan of people who complain about their jobs or situation and how unhappy they are ALL the time and are not actively doing something about it- this is negative energy I do not want to be around- so take the action steps and make a plan!

3.    Give yourself a pat on the back 

 

I mentor an amazing young man who is an outstanding athlete, has a scholarship to an Ivy League school, was captain of his Rugby team and is in the National team for Rugby! What a bright future he has going for him- he is going to be influential wherever he goes- without a doubt. So why does he feel he has not achieved anything? Like most people we seek approval from others’ this is only natural as we are social beings and this stems from the same need to be wanted/needed. We are neurologically wired this way. He sought approval from his parents, who do not tell him how well he has done and how much he has achieved. I told him that

“sometimes you need to step back and admire what YOU have done.”

Not to be arrogant, but just pat yourself on your back and acknowledge that ‘yes I put in hard work and effort and it’s paid off!’ I tell you there is no greater feeling!

So say NO to self-pity parties and remind yourself of the great individual you are! Stay true to yourself by continuously improving and acknowledging when you truly have achieved something. But don’t dwell on that achievement for too long; remember there is always a greater goal to achieve around the corner!

Thanks for reading!

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And remember:

“Transform your thinking, transform your life!”